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When is it Love?
It’s an old cliché, but love really does sneak up when you’re least expecting it.
Having said that, we seem to spend most our waking single lives searching for the damn thing. It’s something we obviously need, but it’s not a matter of life and death so, take it easy, have fun, and see what happens. When you do stumble across love, here are a few tips on how to cope with that precious little four-letter word.
When you know you’ve been bitten
A classic symptom is not being able to concentrate on your work. There isn’t a lot you can do about this. Just ride with it and hope that the boss has been there too and is will be a little sympathetic towards your love-struck state.
You’ll feel compelled to twist every conversation you have around to your new love interest. I know it’s tempting, but it will drive your mates mad, so try to refrain, at least a little bit.
Corny love songs you’ve previously found repulsive will suddenly draw you in and you’ll want to listen to them all the time. Again, think about the poor people around you. Be considerate.
Don’t forget your friends. It’s tempting to hibernate in your bedroom for six months with your new partner, but people will worry if they don’t hear from you for weeks on end. Hang onto your mates. You’ll need them if it all turn’s pear shaped. Speaking of which…
How to cope if it falls apart
Music is the ultimate healer, so go out and buy some ‘break-up’ music and wallow in a little bit of self-pity. But don’t do it for too long. You’ve got to get back out there.
Eat chocolate. It’s the ultimate comfort food. Indulge yourself.
Call up those mates that you wisely kept in touch with. Go out and have a drink and pour your heart out to them. Again, don’t do this for too long. We don’t want you ending up in rehab.
How’d you pull your last partner? If you did it once, you can do it again. Get out there and start pulling!
Dating Advice for Men
When it comes to Valentine’s Day, there’s much preparation leading up to the big day. Since this national dating holiday is just around the corner, young men across Canada should ask themselves, do I have my game plan set?
The first most important rule is to relax and be yourself, but not too much.
• DO smell good! Since you’re faced with the ‘problem’ of too many dates this Valentine’s Day, you probably already know this but for those looking to increase their luck in this area – this tip’s a no-brainer. According to one survey, three out of four women listed body odour as the primary deal-breaker in the dating game. So guys, you can spend all the time and money in the world on clothes and your appearance, but if there’s odour, 79 per cent of the women surveyed said that you’re going home solo.
• DON’T forget to plan unique events for each of your Valentine’s Dates! You will need to ‘brand’ each experience so that when the time comes to recall the date after Valentine’s Day, it won’t be so challenging. (For example, you could go rock climbing at an indoor gym in the afternoon with one date, dinner with another and clubbing with a third.) You could end up eating a number of meals that day so remember to eat light.
• DON’T be late! The last thing you want to do is mess up your evening event flow. Give yourself enough time in between dates to get to your next date location in time.
• DO bring your Wingman – Work out your plan in advance with your wingman and keep him on standby throughout the day. With a quick phone call he can be at your side in case the unthinkable happens and you’re out with one of your dates and another comes in the room. Your wingman will prove indispensable at occupying one of them while you make a hasty getaway.
If you follow these simple tips, your Valentine’s Day dates are sure to be an all-round lucky evening for you. Good luck and Happy Valentine’s Day to you lucky guys! Of course, all of the above tips also apply to women but they’ve been at this juggling game a little longer and don’t need quite as much help.
The most important rule is to relax and be yourself, but not too much.
Clothes
Where something you feel comfortable in, but make an effort and dress for the occasion. Don't wear your football strip to a nice restaurant and don't get out your tux out to go to the pub.
Compliments
It's really important to compliment your date at the start of the evening and maybe once or twice throughout. Don't lay it on too thick or be cheesy (a simple you look amazing works), and if she's uncomfortable change the subject afterwards. Even if she is a little insecure and is shy being told she looks great, she still wants to hear it.
Conversation
Don't talk about ex-girlfriends and celebrities who have amazing breasts. Avoid talking about yourself too much and ask questions, without interrogating her. But make sure you listen attentively to her. You have to make her feel like she's the only woman in the room, without glaring at her all night and making her feel uncomfortable.
Establish Common Interests
Try to establish a common interest early on, so you can both talk with equal enthusiasm about it e.g. a country you've both visited or a hobby.
Correct Body Language
Body language is important. Don't be closed off with arms and legs folded. Look confident and relaxed, but you need to suit the environment. Be receptive to her body language. If she leans in, you should too, don't shy away because she will. If she seems guarded try to make her feel more comfortable by telling a funny story or lightening the mood. Men with manners are very sexy, but only if your natural with it. Open doors, maybe pull her chair out for her and generally be thoughtful. If you've asked her out on the first date, I'm afraid you really should pay.
Eating
If you are eating out, choose your food carefully. Don't starve yourself but gluttony is not an attractive quality on a first date. Don't eat too fast and don't order something you'll get all round your chops and spill down your clean shirt - also not attractive. Avoid Spaghetti Bolognese and garlic, onions and smelly food might impose on the end of night kiss!
Mobile Phones
Make sure your mobile phone is turned off. To send/receive text messages or calls appears rude, because it means she hasn't got your full attention. Drinking Don't get too drunk. Have a few drinks so you are sociable and more laid back but do not drink in excess. If she's knocking them back and then by all means join her but modesty is preferable, because first impressions are important and it's nice for a man to be on his best behaviour. End of the Date At the end of the date, don't be too pushy. Read the situation. A gentlemanly kiss on the cheek or lips is amicable, but if the mood takes you a quick snog's fine. Don't imply you want sex on the first date because you don't want her to think that you only went out with her for sex! Be a gentleman. Don't move to fast, as having sex on the first date is not the best way to start a relationship. And if you like her, call when you say you will!
Dating Advice for Women
The first most important rule is to relax and be yourself.
Clothes
Where something you feel comfortable in, but make an effort i.e. Don't wear a short skirt that you are going pulling at to be sure everything is covered. Dress for the occasion. If you're going to the pub, don't wear the slutty black number. Low cut tops are good but not for the first date. You want them to see more of you, so don't give away the farm till next time.
Underwear
Though getting naked on a first date is not advised, make sure you wear sexy matching underwear that will make you ooze confidence. Bridget pants are a good incentive not to put out on the first date but they won't make you feel confident and attractive.
Conversation
Don't talk about ex-boyfriends…you need to focus on your future with this bloke and not your past partners. Avoid talking about yourself too much and ask questions, without interrogating him and listen attentively.
Common Interests
Try to establish a common interest early on, so you can both talk with equal enthusiasm about it e.g. A country you've both visited or a hobby.
Body language
It's important to look and feel comfortable. Don't fold your arms, keep eye contact and lean in towards your date. Try and make subtle physical contact, for example, touch his arm if he says something sad or amusing.
Eating
If you are eating out, choose your food carefully. Don't eat so much that you feel uncomfortable, and don't eat like a sparrow. Messy food like Spaghetti Bolognese is a no no. Garlic, onions or other smelly foods are not a good idea unless he's having them…
Mobile Phones
Make sure your mobile phone is turned off. To send/receive text messages or calls appears rude. He needs to feel that he has your undivided attention. (The phone is handy however if the date is not going at all well. Nip to the loo and get a friend to call you when you're back at the table with a get away excuse.)
Drinking
Don't get too drunk. Have a few drinks so you are sociable and more laid back but do not drink in excess. Drinking before the date can give you extra confidence but don't have too many. Otherwise he'll think you're a major lightweight when you're falling off your chair after one glass of wine!
End of the Date
At the end of the date, it's important to leave him wanting more. Sex on the first date is never a good idea. If the mood takes you there's nothing wrong with a quick snog, after all a man's kissing technique is a great indication of what he'll be like
The Office Romance
It's intriguing, it's taboo and, according to Psychology Today magazine, approximately 80 per cent of the workforce has either observed or participated in it. It's the office romance, relationships that blossom over the water cooler.
While the office may be an ideal place to find people with whom you have things in common, there are a number of pitfalls and guidelines that should be kept in mind, according to Toronto-area relationship and business consultant Donna Messer.
"Office romances happen quite frequently because the common denominator of having work in common, so you have something to talk about," said Messer. "I think a lot of interoffice relationships happen because of this close proximity, not because they are a perfect fit."
So, to give your foray into office love the best chance, Messer suggests a few office romance Dos:
- Take the time to see what else you have in common besides work
- Find out what the office policy is on relationships between co-workers (while some companies have no policy at all, others insist one employee leave to work elsewhere if a relationship develops)
- Be cautious if dating a subordinate or boss (in the event of a break-up the subordinate stands to lose more)
- Be sure the attraction is mutual before making a move
- Be aware of sexual harassment laws and adjust actions accordingly
- Make sure you both have the same idea of where the relationship is going
- Be realistic about the chances that the relationship will work out
Marilyn Belleghem, an Oakville marriage and family therapist, said there are some real points of caution that should be taken if someone decides to start an office romance. "It's important to be careful because if the relationship crashes, you still have to face them at work," she said. Some of Belleghem's office romances Don’ts include:
- Don't kiss, hug or show other displays of physical attraction while working
- Don't tell your co-workers what is going on unless you are sure it's going to be a long-term relationship (gossip can hurt both work performance and the relationship)
- Don't bring arguments to work with you
- Don't let the relationship have a negative impact on your productivity at work
- Don't wear clothing to work that is more appropriate for a date
- By taking the time to think your relationship plans through, you can give yourself the best chance at success on the romance and work fronts.
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